Comments on: Toddler Bites: Food Tantrums Are Manipulation

By: Sarah W. Caron

Sarah W. Caron — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 00:39:13 +0000

Thanks for your perspective, Adriana. I wish you all the best.

By: Adriana

Adriana — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 03:19:43 +0000

I realize most of these posts are from long ago, but I just couldn’t help but comment in response. It IS true about never really being able to understand unless you are in someone else’s shoes. I wish I was in your shoes and had a good eater, but we unfortunately have a horrible eater and someone looking in from the outside might think that it is due to poor parenting, which has created behavioral problems. We actually did have this happen…we had some very unwanted criticism from someone close to us and let me tell you that it really hurt. Had this person been in our shoes for the past 20 months, they would have seen our son as a 1 month old screaming at the bottle and refusing to drink over and over again…(it is pretty clear that a 1 month old does not have behavioral problems)…they would have seen our 1 year old gagging and vomiting on food just due to the texture. You don’t always know a family’s past and what they have dealt with that brought them to this point. You also don’t know what that child has dealt with medically to have brought them to this point and all of that needs to be taken into account. Our son has seen numerous doctors, had multiple tests run, and has an in-house feeding therapist with no true diagnosis…through OUR hard work as parents, we have managed to end the gagging and vomiting and improve his feedings, yet he still does have set backs. Sometimes behavioral problems can stem from medical problems…and sometimes these medical problems are not fully understood by the parents, much less by someone looking in from the outside. This is just our situation, but there are plenty of parents out there with different situations that cause their child to not eat normally and which is totally unrelated to poor parenting.

By: Sarah W. Caron

Sarah W. Caron — Wed, 30 May 2012 18:49:57 +0000

Thanks for your comment, Julie. I’ve often reflected on this post over the years (it was written more than four years ago) and stand by it. My kids are now almost-7 and 4 1/2. My daughter, the younger of the two, is strong willed as well. Heck, so is my son. But both have grown to be adventurous, good eaters. And yes, I am extremely proud of them.

By: julie

julie — Wed, 30 May 2012 18:22:27 +0000

I though the same thing exactly about my first born. And then I had my son. It has nothing to do with your parenting skills, its about the child’s temperament. And if you have a strong willed child, they will fight you until the bitter end. My firstborn is easy, she will eat plain, cooked spinach. Stopping for a pizza is extreme, but your child has to eat so at the end of the day, if a strong willed child won’t eat anything, a loving parent will make sure that they east something. Anything. Its not your parenting skills that you need to boast about, its your child. She’s the one who deserves the praise. Don’t judge other people especially of you have a model child.

By: Tantrum Toddlers Researcher

Tantrum Toddlers Researcher — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:45:21 +0000

Child Behavior Modification is so tough. There are moments that yelling at them is not enough. Tantrums in toddlers start when they want something which they cannot get or even when you do what they don’t want to.

The best way to deal with toddlers tantrums is to create the best activities that are fun and educational. You have to remember that at this is the stage, child adopts all things that happen around him. This is also the best time to allow your child into different activities.

By: Angel

Angel — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 18:50:08 +0000

I had to comment on this post as my eldest is a picky eater and I have been the parent who has brought food to a person’s house. I understand that this can be viewed as offensive, however when you are raising a child who simply will not eat anything (not even cookies or fatty foods you would think normal children would eat), you end up resorting to getting anything into their belly. If the doctor is telling my my child needs to gain weight, and that means I have to offend someone to be sure he eats something, I will just have to do that. I know their is a certain degree of manipulation at play, but I believe in terms of my own children (one who is a 10 month old , who will eat everything I give him and my 3 yr old who eats minimally), I realize some children are just different. I have tried the approach of forcing a child to eat- but that never worked with my eldest, and only led to many nights where he went to bed with nothing in his belly. I’m sorry if it sounds like I am defending this – but you REALLY do have to be in my shoes to understand what its like to have a child that doesnt eat. He never even picked up things and put it in his mouth as a baby! My second one is more normal – he does this – even eats the foods he doesnt like when he is hungry.

By the way, I had to have the TV on to get something in my son’s belly – that was the only way he would open his mouth (this was all up to about 2 1/2) Now that he is 3 1/2 I no longer need to do this as much as it seems his hunger has developed and he eats much more. I am not a parents that throws cookies in his face to get him to eat either, btw. I am sure to offer something – and if that mean macaroni, or hamburgers, or spagetti – so be it. Lucky for me, the only thing I never had a problem getting him to eat is veggies.

By: Sarah Caron

Sarah Caron — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 13:16:06 +0000

Celine, sorry to hear about your difficulties! I think your dietitian has given you good advice though – don’t give in. In the past, I made the mistake of letting Will eat in front of the television and he wouldn’t eat nearly as much as at the table.

We did have a problem with Will eating at the table nicely for a bit – he would usually eat some, but there would be a lot of tantrums. Part of the issue for us was that his daycare wasn’t letting him use flatware (which isn’t an option here as far as I am concerned). It took probably a month for him to break out of it and get back to eating like normal. It took a lot of mealtime time outs though and a lot of patience.

One thing I would do, if I were you, is put an end to the crisps before dinner — I would use them as a treat for eating well or behaving or no tantrums or whatever. Also, try making meals fun – sometimes just being able to dip foods will make it more appealing for kids so you could try homemade chicken fingers with a cheese sauce or “trees” in ranch (trees being broccoli).

Just my two cents. Best of luck. Keep trying – you are doing the right thing for her.

By: Celine

Celine — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 13:08:16 +0000

I wish I could get my daughter to eat like this. She is 2 and a half. She never enjoyed foods. So we used to feed her with her favourite cartoon on the telly. But the dietician said to stop the telly, eat at the table etc. So for a few weeks I’ve been trying. She is good at coming and sitting down at the table but she won’t eat a thing except crisps. I allow her one bag and she goes to the kitchen to get another one while her food is waiting on the table. She won’t take any. She doesn’t even like fruit bites. When I refuse the 2nd bag of crisps she starts tantrums. She is allergic to wheat soya dairies nuts eggs oat and rye so she drinks a special milk that is especially rich in all the nutrients she needs, so she grows ok but she won’t eat since we stopped the telly. Even with the telly on she wouldn’t eat that much and never wanted to try fruit bits or fresh vegs, she would always push them away. The dietician told me to persevere and to avoid offering something else if she refuses what I give her. But it is extremely hard, she throws tantrums about 10 times a day now. Mostly because of food. I also tried praising her giving her a shiny sticker when she (twice in a month) ate. I just don’t know what to do. I agree with your view that children use tantrums to manipulate us but I have been resistant for a few weeks now and don’t see much improvement, just more tantrums. I am starting to feel guilty and to feel like giving in to her and letting her having whatever she wants to eat.

By: Cate O'Malley

Cate O'Malley — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 00:53:30 +0000

Hear, hear!

By: Dianne

Dianne — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 16:33:13 +0000

I couldn’t agree more! My husband is a very picky eater and it all stems from his childhood. And I don’t care how stubborn a child is, they won’t go hungry in the long run!