It’s been 6 months since Eat. Live. Be. For a Better 2011 launched. In the past five months, I have lost weight, gained weight, worked out, not worked out, planted a garden, fit into clothes I hadn’t in a long time and then not fit into anything. It’s been a long road of ups and downs, but overall it’s been a great trend toward being healthier, happier and fitter.
When Cate and I imagined the challenge, it was because we both wanted to lose 40 pounds. Neither of us has, but since the weight is a small part of the overall journey, it’s okay. We’ll get there. And along the way, I’ve found this amazing community of women who want to be healthy, and want to have a healthy relationship with food. It’s been amazing.
All along, I think I have been holding back a little. I haven’t been completely honest with you or myself. And it started right away when I shared a photo but not my weight. I was embarrassed to share that number, even though I know it’s just a number. It’s one that I couldn’t face so when I updated my progress, I stuck with my total amount of loss. But there was more to it.
Though it’s just a number, I was scared that you would judge me by that number on the scale — mostly because I was judging myself based on that number. And as my weight went up and down, I did myself a disservice by tying my personal feelings about myself to it. I am trying hard not to worry about the number so much.
Fortunately, that number has been steadily declining since May when I decided it was time for a change. Not a little change like drinking more water or trading my white toast for whole wheat, but one that would require diligence and determination and, above all, commitment. The change would cost me money, so it was an investment of sorts into knowing that I can do this. And I can succeed.
Look, there is no pretty way to say this. There is no way to soften or candy-coat it. It just is what it is. Folks, I joined Weight Watchers.
I know, right? That’s what almost every woman in America does, right? But I always held back … until it became clear that doing it on my own wasn’t working. (For the record, I joined online and do not attend meetings. That’s just not for me.) But guess what? It’s working for me. It’s really working, and I cannot get over how much I love it since it encourages you to eat lots of fruits and veggies and other nutritious foods.
I shared my photo update above, but now I am going to share the reality of my journey thus far – with real, actual weight numbers. Excuse me while I brace myself for your collective gasps of horror.
Eat. Live. Be. For a Better 2011
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 179
Total Loss: 8.4 lbs
Are you okay? Do you need a paper bag to breathe into? Oh wait. That’s me. Hang on while I breathe in and out a bit.
Ok. Better now.
That loss reflects just the weight change from January until now. There are so many other changes within me as well. I am standing taller with improved posture. I am naturally making better choices — reaching for a bowl of impossibly sweet fresh strawberries instead of something baked or frozen for dessert. My clothes fit better than they have in years. And when I wear high heels, I start to remember how easy it was to wear them daily for years and years.
And above all, after finally dropping below both that imaginary can’t-pass line that plagued me for years and also below the weight I was before I was pregnant with Paige, I never want to go back. No matter what. I can’t see the scale rise that high again.
In the world of weight, there is something fundamentally different about having a 180 or above number than having a number that starts with 17-. The 17- feels less hopeless. It’s possibilities and movement and working hard. It’s a stop on the way to the wonderful world of 16- … one that I hope to see soon.
As for my other goals (save more and be happier), those have been chugging along successfully. Though they made the list and have been going fine, they just haven’t held the same importance as the weight for me. I don’t know why.
So, what’s next? I’m sticking with my original goals: lose 40 lbs, save more and be happier.
Be sure to check out the other ELB bloggers for their progress too.
- Cate O’Malley from Sweetnicks
- Joanne from Eats Well with Others
- Chris Arpante – Melecotte
- Patsy – Family, Friends and Food
- Claire – Cooking is Medicine
- Rivki Locker – Healthy Eating for Ordinary People
- Sarah Rogers – Sarah’s Sweet Creations
- Kate – Paved with Good Intentions
How are you doing with your goals?