“I have a culinary boner right now.” – Andrew

“I’m like Pop-eye’s wet f*$%^@#% dream right now.” – Andrew

Let’s get the very worst of it over with: Dale’s outburst at the end of the (surprisingly fun to watch) Quick Fire could quite possibly be the most pathetic moment of this Top Chef season. That’s saying a lot with this group. Was his tantrum really necessary? Yes, it stinks to lose. No, you aren’t entitled to whine about it. It seemed less like a chef and more like a spoiled boy in need of growing up. The only thing worse was the whole Marcel hair shaving thing during season 2.

But, moving on. The Elimination Challenge split the chefs into two teams and pitted them against each other catering a wedding. Adding to the drama: the chefs had to work through the night and serve in the afternoon the next day . . . nice.

Did you catch that Andrew shuts up when he is lacking sleep? He should lack sleep more often . . . though his sound bites this episode were a trip (see above).

Shining moment for the episode? Richard giving up the winner spot to Stephanie for all her work on the cake. He’s really shown some strong character in the past few episodes. He’s the guy to beat, for sure, and the guy to know . . .

I wasn’t sorry to see Nikki go. The criticism of her — that she dropped the ball being the “Italian chef” — was completely valid. Too bad they couldn’t send Spike with her . . .

It was the best of times . . . It was the worst of times. Actually, in this episode there was more that I loved than hated. For the first time this season, the Quick Fire Challenge lasted more than 10 minutes and the contestants came off as human beings. For the most part, that is.

I loved – L-O-V-E-D – that guest judge Art Smith actually gave criticism while tasting. It was a very real moment for the show this season. On the other hand, I was disgusted (this should be a big surprise…really) by Andrew’s reaction to having a $10 budget. Plenty of Americans feed families larger than four people on less than $10 a meal. Seriously. And obviously, if they were all able to finish the challenge, they were able to follow that one guideline.

Really touching though was Antonia talking about her daughter, and then talking to her daughter. It was a shining moment for her. And when Richard said that seeing Antonio cry made him want to have babies . . . well, maybe he’s not so bad.

I imagine the episodes were all cut in advance, but it almost feels like Top Chef listened this week. We got more human contestants, a longer quick fire and more Tom Colicchio. Yay!

As for Mark going home: although I liked him, I was ambivalent about seeing him go . . .

. . . Next week on Top Chef: Weddings!

Alright, we’ve been watching for seven weeks. And for what? To see fluffed egos, hear foul mouthed cooks cuss like it’ll inflect magic on the food and discover that it’s hard to like these people. But, that’s just my take. I really hope that the producers take more care in choosing chefs next season.

My favorites at this point? And favorites is a term I use very, very loosely — just so you know.

• Dale. He’s grown on me, and I might go so far as to say I like him and his cooking style.
• Mark. Love the accent. And he’s been generally good natured. Read the rest of this entry…

Quote of the night: “I made Ryan Scott tailgate food and I am proud of it.”

Come. On. Poached pears are not tailgate food. EVER. Seriously? What was he thinking? But, as this season has demonstrated, Bravo found a group of chefs who are more about themselves than the food.

I digress.  Shall we begin at the beginning?

Spike: “I’m a talented dude.” If BS is a talent, then yes, yes he is.

So, blah, blah, blah . . . I am skipping the quick fire this week. Let’s hop along to the (yay) elimination challenge. Finally! An individual challenge (which leaves no room for anyone to whine about not making the dish they desire) . . . And of course, that means that the aforementioned Ryan had no one to reign him in. Meanwhile, Andrew did his barbecuing with a helmet on . . . How perfect! He seriously needs a helmet.

I am really, really liking Dale. I loved how he was breathless to have the Chicago Bears legends eating his food. Finally, a competitor I like! He’ll be someone to watch. I like Mark too, although his messy station today was a little concerning for his longevity.

And on a side note: Men. Bubble bath. Together. Bizarre. Is this Top Chef or Real World circa 1999?

Enough with the butternut squash soup! Dude, Spike, you aren’t too nice. You didn’t get screwed. Seriously. And Zoi? She disappoints me week after week . . . And, ha! Ha! Was anyone else silently gloating that Richard forgot to scale the fish? Perfection averted . . . oh, the joys!

But let’s back up.

This week’s guest judge was Ming Tsai, who is known for his East meets West cuisine. There was another blink-and-you-missed-it quick fire. This time, it involved blindfolded taste tests . . . very interesting, but the show missed the opportunity to discuss what to look for in 15 ingredients to ensure that you are getting something of quality. Time count? About 8 minutes from start to announcing that Antonia won . . . and that includes the recaps too. If this keeps up, the quick fire will be over in two minutes by finale time.

This week’s Elimination challenge involved the chefs cooking in teams for a Meal on Wheels Celebrity Chef Ball. But I’ve already said all I can about that above.

So, we’re now five weeks in. I find the quick fires too quick and the eliminations boring. Why? There is simply too much focus on the drama and not enough on the food. Sorry folks, but as entertaining as Marcel was a few seasons ago, I really do just watch for the food. Seriously. Call me crazy . . .

Is this show going to pick up or what?

When I decided to blog about Top Chef this season, it was because I have been enthralled with past seasons. But little did I know that Bravo was going to turn my favorite food competition into a catty free-for-all. I am having a very hard time connecting with the Top Chef stars this season. There seems to be a lot of crass behavior and a lack of vibrancy (in the food and the people!). It’s really disappointing to be this far into the season and not give a hoot about any of the people on the show.

Is it a different production team this season or something? The show was fine this time, albeit not as good as in the past, but the hey-let’s-find-all-the-curses-on-the-tape-we-can-and-show-them-all-at-once reel at the end of the show was a head scratcher. Why was that necessary?

Anyway, onto the actual episode:

David Boulud, a top French chef, was this week’s guest judge.

The quick fire? A vegetable plate. Three techniques. Pretty simple. They couldn’t possibly mess this one up . . . or could they?

“I’m not that into the classic techniques,” Lisa said. And all I could think was, you aren’t that into them, or you just don’t have a clue as to what they are. No wonder she was one of the bottom three of the quick fire. At least Zoi admits that she isn’t trained in the techniques . . . and she managed do get a top spot – perfect poached egg? Go girl.

I almost wasn’t going to talk about Andrew at all this week . . . then he made some insinuation that he was among the “strong” cooks while Dale was “the weak.” Pfft. This guy might be dropping fewer f-bombs, but he’s still pretty bizarre.

Moving on. Is it just me, or does Ryan totally remind you of the high school quarterback who has been sacked one too many times? A-duh? Seriously.

I’m not even going to comment on the movie-themed dishes themselves . . . it’s a weird one. Frankly, I have yet to see anything I would want to recreate at home. Where’s the innovation? Where’s the delicious results?

Ready for the chain of thought version of reflections? Here a’goes.

Andrew started off the episode with an f-bomb. Puh-lease . . . so over it.

This season, it’s like instantly into the quick fire, but if you blink, you might just miss the whole thing. Is it just me, or has the quick fire challenge gotten just a wee-bit too quick? What happened to spending a little time watching them choose ingredients and develop their quick-fire dishes? From start to finish, including commercials, judging and winner announcing, the quick fire took 10 minutes. Just 10 minutes. Seriously people. And while we are at it, tacos sure are fun, but high end tacos? Are we running out of ideas? That is the antithesis of fine dining. Really.

On a side note, I want more Tom Colicchio. Darn it. He’s like barely getting any screen time this season! What gives?

Back to Andrew though. He needs to tone it down. Seriously. “You’d have to drag me out with security guards … This is my house.” Um, no. It’s not. You. Aren’t. That. Good.

Meanwhile, I’m a little sad that Eric got let go . . . he was one of my favorites. I liked his good natured personality.

I couldn’t keep myself up to write about Top Chef Chicago last night, but I still wanted to share my thoughts . . .  Here it goes . . .

Thank goodness: Maybe Bravo heard the blogosphere? There was far less gratuitous curses flying about . . . and Andrew was less irritating for that. Less, but not completely. Honestly, I wasn’t born yesterday – the balsamic error might have been an oversight, but it was one he knew before Padma called him out on it. On the other hand, he did look truly appreciative when he was complemented on his glacier by guest judge Wylie Dufresne.

Now . . . the whole mushroom debacle on the Bear team. No one tasted it? Hello, these people are chefs – chefs taste their food before they serve it. It’s crazy not to . . . I could have done without the never ending poop references though. Despite the mushrooms, I really like Nikki. She has potential.
Ultimately though . . . it was those tasteless olive pancake-y things that did Valerie in. Blech. Didn’t even sound good to me.

Alright. I love Top Chef. It’s a fun series and really interesting to see what the cooks come up with. And there are always a few zingers . . . Remember the Marcel drama? It was like a train wreck – uncomfortable, but too hard not to watch.

This season opened with a pizza quick fire. Love pizza. That would have been a fun one to compete in. Some of the pizzas were inspired, others not so much. The Marmite on pizza freaked me out a bit. Yuck. Then there was the head to head cooking competition for the elimination challenge. That was interesting — those were some elementary dishes and some really bombed. Nacho souffle, anyone?

But I am not here to recap the evening. What I really want to do is share a few reflections…I will try to do this every week this season.

• Good riddance, Nimma. When Nimma launched into the diatribe about not being there to have fun, she lost me. And that was pretty early in the show. Hun, goals are great, but you won’t get fanfare if you aren’t personable. At all. So, I wasn’t too sad when she packed her knives.
• Andrew needs to tone down that language. Seriously. I’d like to be able to watch this when it’s repeated on weekends (since chances are I will miss the first showing), but with so many bleeps, it’s just not appropriate for my kids. There is really no need for him to drop f-bomb after f-bomb. (Why is there so much bleeping this season anyway? Have the production people forgotten how to cut things?) And really, Andrew didn’t know what mayonnaise is eggs and oil? Seriously?
• Stephanie’s winning dish really did look good. Mmmm. Those egg rolls? I’d like to bite into a bit of that!
• Psst! Viewers have until March 31 to submit their photo and recipe of an audacious burger. Click here for details.