Cute packed lunches for kids and desk lunches you want to eat are awesome, but packing lunches everyday isn't easy.
When my children were very little — preschool and early elementary age — I packed lunches for them every day. Sometimes they were creative with cheese, salami, fruits and vegetables cut in creative shapes and homemade crackers. Other times, they were more basic but still nutritious. Balanced lunches presented in a cute way was perfect, I thought. Back then, I thought it was so easy to make kids a good, healthy, creative packed lunch.
What I didn't realize at the time was how my lifestyle afforded me time for that.
In those days, I worked at home full time as a freelance writer, editor and recipe developer. I was writing, creating and photographing everyday, meeting deadline after deadline. My schedule was packed with assignments, and I took that to mean that it was comparable to working full time outside the home. It wasn't.
I was incredibly busy, yes, but I didn't have to also be at work at a certain time or deal with a morning commute. As a society, we also weren't collectively talking about mental load yet. While people were certainly living it, the idea that certain tasks — like having to get kids to school on time and also get yourself to work on time — could come limit your mental capacity for other things wasn't being discussed. So I didn't realize that having comparable workloads but different work environments could make the mental load so different.
It wasn't until later, when I traded the freelance life for a full time job, that I realized how hard it was to pack lunches in the morning because there was so much else that had to happen both mentally and physically. I could get my kids lunches packed, but not mine. Or I could make them each a great sandwich and phone in the rest. Or I could just hand them money and maybe pack my own lunch for once. But I couldn't do it all. My mind was consumed with schedules and timelines, workplace stress, stress of being a single mom and so much more. It wasn't about the food. It was about still trying to reach my version of perfection.
And that's the thing: Perfection doesn't exist. Moreover, you really can't do it all. So you have to decide what's most important to you at any given stage.
When my kids were in elementary school, after we moved to Maine and I began working full-time in an office, the most important thing for me was that they were well fed. So I prioritized packing their lunches, and ensuring they were nutritious. But I wouldn't pack my own. I would either skip lunch or get something quickly for myself.
As my kids got a little older, I taught them to make their own lunches. I also created a space in our kitchen for lunch money, so they could choose to buy lunch. By giving them control of the decisions, it ensured we were all eating a little better every day. In turn, I focused more on stocking the kitchen with good, healthy and fun lunch options.
It helped.
As for me, I still didn't always have time or mental capacity to make my own lunch still. It's hard enough getting two kids out the door on time for school. But sometimes I did pack my lunch.
They say that hindsight is 20/20, and it's so true. When I was a young mother working at home, I didn't yet appreciate how much mental space that gave me for completing tasks before sending my kids off to school.
While I had nonstop deadlines, I also had agency to decide when I worked on those — and I could afford to allocate time in the kitchen every morning. That's why it seemed easy to elaborate lunches. I could even make breakfasts from scratch. They don't actually take that long to create necessarily. But when you are bogged down with so much else in your mind, trying to get everyone where they need to go, the mental load makes everything feel so much more time consuming. Moreover, you may actually not have time for all the steps of lunch or breakfast making. Looking back, I see how my own life experience was coloring my view on the world.
By high school, my kids weren't just responsible for making their own lunches, they were responsible for planning them. That meant requested groceries they needed for when I shopped. And while they were in high school, school lunch became free in our district, so their need to pack lunches grew less and less.
Time passed. We made it through.
My kids are now 18 and 21. Both are in college. I still have a full time job outside the home. And even now, without any morning routines, I still don't always make time for my own packed lunch. Somedays, I simply prioritize other things.
That's okay. It's also okay to never pack your lunch.
But I do like bringing good food from home. It ensures I eat well during the day. What I've found is that lunch meal prep is essential for me. If I spend some time on Sunday prepping grab and go lunches, I am more likely to pack lunch. It also means my work week is much easier because I am not figuring out what to do about lunch midday.
Still, even meal prepping on Sundays can be a lot if you have other things happening in your life.
My point is that packing lunches everyday isn't easy. We shouldn't pretend it is. Mental load and capacity, outside demands, timing ... so many things play into our ability to do this one task. And it's okay if packed lunches aren't cute or perfect, whether you are packing for yourself or kids of any age.
We're at the point in the year where kids are heading back to school and parents are refreshed with good intentions for the school year. That's great. But even at the beginning of the school year, packing lunches can be hard. It's also okay to be the mom who is making sure kids are fed, but not cutting out flower-shaped cheese and heart-shaped sandwiches.
It's okay to teach your kids how to make their own lunches. We used to have a set of rules to follow on our fridge that guided them through the process so they wouldn't end up with only snacks in their lunchboxes.
It's also okay to let them buy lunch. Sometimes, it's just about making sure they are fed.
And if you are an adult who can't seem to make your own lunches, that's okay. Maybe packed lunches aren't for you right now. But if you really want them to be, you can do it. Start by packing leftovers. Allow yourself to have really simple lunches. I have one colleague who will sometimes pack a fruit, a box of crackers and a hunk of cheese. It's balanced and takes nearly no time to pack.
Whatever you do, accept that perfection doesn't exist.
What are your biggest lunch struggles?
